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On the twelfth day of Christmas...

...I have an unimpressed photo-bomber.

24 days of Christmas

Each day of Christmas, I'll be reviewing a Christmas movie and sharing a new Christmas outfit. I've forgone any attempt at self-satisfaction with these pictures - The likelihood we'll manage (what I think of as) a good picture of me in anything other than the same boring pose each day is minimal. So, I chose fun instead.

There was some vogue-ing going on today, and someone was displeased with the shenanigans. I'm still not sure if it's because we woke him up or if he's just a humbug now he's six.

On day 11, I'm back to Netflix - my bad - and a very fuzzy title image.

Holiday in the Wild - 2/5 candy canes

Now, admittedly this was also a Netflix movie, but in my defense...elephants. adorable baby elephants being all saved and romance and Christmas. Add in the allure of Rob Lowe... How could you say no to that? I mean, really.

Holiday in the Wild follows Kate's (Kristin Davis) journey of self-rediscovery after her husband abruptly ends their marriage. She's booked them a second honeymoon in Africa in order to reconnect after their son goes off to college. Obviously, with their marriage ended, Kate goes to Africa alone. Whereupon she meets Derek (Rob Lowe). Naturally their first meeting goes poorly - although Derek does get some lobster out of it, so not a total loss. The next day, Kate is off on a plane for a five star safari and who is the pilot? Yup, none other than Derek. On the way, Derek makes a stop to rescue a baby elephant and the rest, as they say, is history.

I had big expectations. And this movie didn't disappoint. There were cute elephants being adorable, there were amazing shots of Africa, there was a sweet romance, and a whole lot of finding yourself. I really enjoyed it. Also, Kristin Davis was super natural and it was so refreshing to see a romance heroine looking like an actual real human woman in a camp in Africa.

So...what's with the low candy cane rating? Well, someone thought this was a Christmas movie. I don't know how I got it into my head (probably all those articles and lists adding it to the Netflix Christmas movie releases for the year), but I did. It even started out with a Christmas card photo shoot. But then...there was some Christmas, but really not enough for it to be called a Christmas movie. Any other time of the year, this would get 3.5-4/5 stars. But it's not any other time of the year, it's Christmas and, for the spectacular lack of Christmasness, it can really only receive 2/5 candy canes.

Below, I'll give you my play-by-play. As usual, there might be a few spoilers. So if you don't want to risk spoilers and wanna watch the trailer, skip past the dot points.

  • So...Netflix again...my bad.

  • Hang on, it's August?

  • I'd like to be a lady who lunches. As long as lunch doesn't involve pants.

  • Wait for the son to leave? He literally just walked out the door.

  • Is this... is this even a real Christmas movie?

  • Yes, live your best single life!

  • Is that Champagne cold though…?

  • Mm...lobster.

  • Mm...Rob Lowe.

  • Mm...martini.

  • No Rob, Mr Conrad's a dick.

  • Lost his touch? I dunno. Got what he wanted, didn't he?

  • The only true dishevellment is when one has a single rose petal in one's hair.

  • Trekker!! Noice.

  • Or just convenient?

  • Naw, doesn't have a woman he loves...yet 😱

  • Couldn't see that coming. Humans are the most dangerous 🙄

  • Yes, crash the plane and then be stranded together. All good love stories start that way.

  • Stay in the plane, Kate. You had one job!

  • Oh noes! Not the elephant.

  • Take off your shirt

  • Sleep time now, little elephant.

  • Yas, vet skills - so transferable. Suspending disbelief.

  • Surprise, Rob!

  • Naw look at all the elephants! They are so cute!

  • Not quite as cute as a half naked Rob Lowe obvs rofl

  • Elephants can read your soul? Oh dear, I'd be in trouble.

  • This movie is not going the way I expected it was going to go...

  • Well isn't it nice that Luke's into talking to his mum surrounded by his...friends?

  • More than the tent or less than the tent? I was looking at less than the tent…

  • Stupid van dere vere whatever named blondie!! He is just not that into you, woman.

  • He does have a lot of... thing going on…

  • Well, we didn't see that one coming. I'm also in love with a guy with a trunk, weighs hundreds of pounds and has a drinking problem...

  • Aha!! Christmas!! It is a Christmas movie??

  • Oh, they have a whole week for Christmas. Excellent.

  • Oh! And he's good with kids. Naw.

  • Mm...coffee.

  • He does do math too

  • And puns!! I'm well into him.

  • Our elephant 😍

  • Without change, there'd be no butterflies. Naw.

  • I really like how natural she is. He hair isn't sleeked and perfect. Her makeup isn't ridiculous. Her clothes look like a normal person's clothes. She looks real. It's a romance story about a real woman and I like that.

  • He is going to have a REALLY sore neck when he wakes up…

  • Naw, Roi.

  • Oh noes! Is he going to crash because he's sleep deprived? Is it going to be a tragedy not a romance? Have I been lied to?

  • Is goat stew...code for vagina?

  • Ohhh!!! 😍😍😍 Luke came to check up on her for Christmas.

  • 😂😂😂 Suck it, Grandma.

  • And he brought his keyboard to Africa...okay.

  • It is usually good practise to not let people see your doodle.

  • I also don't say I like most humans.

  • So they all just constantly unzip and walk into people's tents. What if she was naked or...wanking or something?

  • I'd miss him.

  • Was... was that just a kiss or...more? I hate those fade to blacks. My dirty mind always expects the height of shenanigans and then there are no shenanigans!

  • I met me. Good one. I was expecting Manu. But me also works.

  • Just go back to Africa already and marry the man!

  • We all know that plane's new name is Kate. Enough dilly dallying already!

  • That has to be the most expensive vet in the universe. Jeebers.

  • Argh! We're in the future now. Like forever in the future.

  • I like elephants.

  • Naw. Lobster for two.

  • Naw. Mawweed.

  • Why have they greenscreened some of it? That's just a bit weird and looks totally fake.

  • Well, that was thoroughly enjoyable but I'm not sure how Christmassy it actually was. As a movie, it gets 3.5-4/5 stars. But as a Christmas movie is maybe gets more like 3 for its distinct lack of Christmas? No, two.

If you've got a suggestion for a movie, leave it in the comments.

You can check out the trailer below (fingers crossed there isn't any regional bollocks that gets in the way).

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